Welcome! I’m Dr. Jillian Bybee, a physician leader and coach looking to create more fulfillment for myself and others. Humans Leading is for busy, growth-oriented humans who are looking for ways to have more joy and less overwhelm in their lives. Subscribe here to get this newsletter straight in your inbox:
Today’s reminder is brought to you by two seemingly random experiences that I had this week which have combined to form a bit of magic for me to offer to you.
First, I’m currently reading "The Unfiltered Enneagram” by Elizabeth Orr, the creator of Rude Ass Enneagram on Instagram. If you’ve ever read and enjoyed one of her posts, you’ll be happy to know that her book is just as irreverent and insightful, if not more so because of the long form.
My first lightning bolt of inspiration for this week’s post came while I read the Introduction of the book.
The Core Belief of each Type articulates the distinct way that we perceive and understand the character of the world around us… the Core Belief can be likened to the drunk goggles of our Type.
-Elizabeth Orr “The Unfiltered Enneagram”
In other words, much like drunk goggles, our Core Belief distorts our perception of the world and ourselves. It has only been in the past few years that I’ve started to recognize my own metaphorical drunk goggles for what they are: a barrier to self-acceptance, connection, and joy.
As an Enneagram Type 1, I’ve always been my own biggest critic, holding myself (and other people) to impossible standards, and believing that I needed to achieve perfection in order to be valued by the world (and myself). As a result, I spent a lot of my life downplaying the praise I received from other people because it couldn’t penetrate the distorted lens I was viewing myself through.
It wasn’t until I began to address this thought distortion through self-compassion that the words of other people began to make an impact.
Which brings me to experience #2 from this week.
I was fortunate to get to spend time with some amazing friends and mentors at the Association of Pediatric Program Directors Spring meeting last week. At some point in our time together, each one of these people had a message for me that distilled down to the same essence:
You are doing amazing things. I’m proud of you. Keep going.
They didn’t use the same words. But they all said the same thing. And, instead of brushing the words aside or downplaying them, I let the messages boost me up.
It may not look like it to people who read this Substack or know me in real life, but I don’t really know what I’m doing most of the time when I’m outside the pediatric intensive care unit. In my clinical job taking care of patients, I feel the most secure because it is the thing I’ve been doing the longest. It is also the thing that has the most structure. But the other parts of my career are newer and more vague. And, at times, this leads to some self-doubt about whether I’m on the right path.
This is understandable since I’m in uncharted territory in terms of my career, but it can leave me feeling wobbly. That’s where the other people come in. They help me steady myself and continue on the path that I know is right for me.
Which brings me to my reminder for all of us today.
None of us see ourselves or the world for what it is. We see it through the lens of our beliefs about what it is. For me (and likely for many of you), this also distorts how I see myself and what I’m capable of.
This is where the other people who value you and care for you come in.
See yourself through their eyes.
In the author’s note section of “The Unfiltered Enneagram,” Elizabeth Orr briefly describes the magic that can happen when we do this:
In the method for Enneagram typing interviews that I have been trained with, the first three questions ask interviewees to pick adjectives to describe themselves, and the second question asks them to think about the adjectives that someone who absolutely adores them would pick to describe them. When I invite people to see themselves through the loving lens of someone they are close to, the edges of guardedness and formality tend to soften, and the person I am interviewing almost transports from my office or Zoom screen into the glow of their loved one’s affection for them.
Who doesn’t want this experience?
You can recreate this experience by following Orr’s recommendation: think of 2-3 adjectives to describe yourself, and then think of 2-3 adjectives that a person who holds you in the highest regard would use to describe you.
This could be a friend, mentor, colleague, partner, child, pet, etc.
How do the lists compare?
What possibilities will open up for you to see yourself differently if you use the lens of someone else instead of your own?
This is what I did (and am continuing to do) after the conference last week. I’m choosing to hear the message that was delivered to me and to see myself from that vantage point in order to continue down my current path during times when I feel unsure.
I encourage you to try it and see what happens.
Wishing you joy today and in your week ahead.