If you’ve made it past the title of this week’s post, congratulations! I think you’ll find something beneficial.
It felt right to start with a note of congratulations because I can understand how the title might invoke eye-rolling for some people. The concept of ‘joy’ has been triggering for me at plenty of times in my life, especially as it has been weaponized via toxic positivity along with the word ‘resilience’ to make people feel like they should expect to be tolerating toxic conditions.
The word ‘joy’ can also feel like a loaded term these days, especially when there is so much suffering and heartache in the word and, at times, in our workplaces.
Some people may remark that it feels selfish to allow ourselves to dig into joy while others are suffering.
Others may say that it makes us out of touch.
Both of these sentiments are understandable.
And yet they are incomplete.
The poet Ross Gay has put words to something that I have felt numerous times in the work that I do. Joy and suffering are often intertwined. They can both be present if we only take the time to notice them.
Joy is tethered to sorrow… it’s connected to the daily fact that we and what we love are disappearing… We and what we love are in some kind of pain. And, if not now, we will be. Part of what I think of as joy is the way we tend to one another in the midst of that.
-Ross Gay
Understandably, it’s easier for most of us to notice negative experiences.
Our brains are wired for negativity. They are far more likely to hold onto negative experiences at work and in life than they are to hold onto positive ones.
Because of this, it’s even more important to be intentional about noticing joy and other positive emotions when they appear.
How to overcome your own negativity bias:
Pause and reflect.
I’ve started doing this for myself more recently because I’ve noticed that it has an amplifying effect on the joy I’m experiencing.
One example from my own life was taking a walk after a workshop I led recently and really letting myself feel how energized and uplifted I felt after it was over.
You might do this by journaling, a voice note, or simply by taking a minute to pause when you feel it.
Share joy with others.
Take time with a colleague, friend, or loved one and share a joy (or more) that you’ve experienced recently.
Allow the other person to share their joy uninterrupted, and then share your own joy.
Take a moment at the end to soak in how it feels.
This whole practice may only take a few minutes but can have a lasting benefit on your day.
Practice joy
Joy can be increased by actively creating it.
My favorite example of this in my own work life is the time we threw a birthday party for a young patient in the pediatric intensive care unit. The whole team pitched in- creating/decorating a banner, securing presents with the help of our child and family life team, and singing happy birthday with the help of our music therapy team. On the day of the party, a crowd of people filed into the patient’s room. Immediately, the young patient appeared nervous. Intuitively, the music therapist started singing more quietly and slowly than she may have in other situations, and the crowd followed suit. The patient relaxed, and their whole family joined in singing.
The patient’s family still talks about this experience, and so do the people who were there, including me.
This whole experience reminded me that you can create lasting joy simply by setting out to do so. Who wouldn’t want more of that?
When we use these techniques, we strengthen the pathways and make joy/other positive emotions easier to access in the future.
How can you create or recognize joy today?
If you’re looking for inspiration, check out Ross Gay on The One You Feed podcast.