New Year, Same (Different) Me

A post from the archives on noticing when things have shifted

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Welcome! I’m Dr. Jillian, a physician leader, mom, and coach who is on a mission to help other high achieving professionals and recovering perfectionists live less stressed, more satisfying lives. If the full post doesn’t show up in your e-mail, come over to the webpage or Substack App to see the whole thing. Subscribe here to get future posts straight to your inbox:

I had originally planned to publish a year-end post this week, but as is so often the case, the universe had other plans. Three weeks ago, my father unexpectedly got sick. And, two weeks ago, he died. I’ve been stumbling my way through the holidays, grief, and a busy holiday work stretch, and there hasn’t been time or inspiration for writing. I hope you enjoy this post from the archives that gives a snapshot of the journey I was on last year as I learned to listen to my own inner voice. And I hope you can do the same for yourself.

Wishing you a gentle 2025.

This post was originally published January 2nd, 2024

Over the past week, there have been a lot of posts about the new year. Honestly, I hadn’t planned to make one. But, a funny thing happened last weekend when I went to work on some content for my upcoming podcast, and I thought I should share it with you in case you’ve ever (or will ever) run into the same thing.

While I listened to the project I wrapped five months ago, it hit me:

I’m not the same person that I was then.

Of course, I don’t mean this literally.

I’m still me: a life force + a body. (Though, if you want to be technical about it, none of my cells are the same as they were five months ago)

And my mindset is different too.

Many high achievers are still on the hustle treadmill chasing someone else’s definition of success, and it’s burning them out like it did to me in the past.

This year, I decided to put a lot of that down in order spend more time doing things that are meaningful to me. As a result, I think I have been a better physician, teacher, and leader. I still love being a physician, something that is unfortunately not true for many right now. And I think it is this work that has saved me.

My process of shedding and unlearning started in earnest during my Media and Medicine course at Harvard Medical School in the Spring. In this course, I tapped into my creativity in a way that I hadn’t in years. I had to be willing to try things and fail as I went because I’d never created a podcast before. All of this was going well enough until the feedback on my final project presentation.

“Great project. Terrible title.”

People found the information valuable and engaging, but they didn’t understand my title: Humans Leading.

I had chosen the title for the podcast (and this Substack) as a way of honoring the fact that those of us in healthcare are human beings, not the infallible superheroes that we’ve been striving to be (or that the public has demanded we be during the pandemic). Giving myself permission to be imperfect has been healing, and I wanted to create a healing space for other people as well.

Originally, I had wanted the project to fit into a series of podcasts I would make on healthcare worker distress. But, throughout the class, I had felt a nagging sense that I was limiting myself with the scope of my podcast.

The people who gravitate toward my work (and this Substack) are people both inside and outside of healthcare. The original scope of my project seemed important but too narrow.

So, in one sense, the people in the course were right. Not the right title for the project I did to stand on its own.

But, on the other hand, I was also right. Something in the title’s message resonates with other people. As I say in the intro to my podcast that is releasing this week:

Through my own recovery from burnout, I’ve learned how to address the perfectionism, workaholism, and denial of my own humanity that kept me on the treadmill that led to burnout in the first place.

And I’m here to help you do the same.

I’ve re-written the definition of success for myself and will continue to do work that fits it. For me, this means a life filled with joy and being of service to other people in a way that doesn’t deplete me completely in the process.

I hope you’ll continue to find something for yourself that allows you to write and live your own definition. If you aren’t living the life you want to be living, this time of year can be a great time to reflect and think about how you might get there. And, if you need help, subscribing to this publication is a great place to start since I write often about how to live a more satisfying holiday.

Wishing all of you a gentle new year.