3 Practical Tips for Mental Wellness

It's Possible to Flourish in a Busy Life

Welcome! I’m Dr. Jillian, a physician leader, toddler mom, and coach who writes Humans Leading to help overwhelmed professionals live less stressed, more satisfying lives. If the full post doesn’t show up in your e-mail, come over to the webpage or Substack App to see the whole thing. Subscribe here for free to get future posts straight to your inbox:

Today is World Mental Health Day, and I’m celebrating by bringing a reminder to all of us: the absence of mental illness does not equal mental wellness (aka flourishing).

Last year, I took a two-month break from writing Humans Leading because I felt exhausted and creatively uninspired.

In this post, I focused on the fact that I’d been extremely busy before and during my break.

But, in the months after that post, I realized something else:

My high standards and perfectionism had left me feeling uninspired and unsure of what the point of continuing to write was. 

Yes, I had been busy. But I had also been so focused on making every post perfect that it drained the joy out of the creative process. 

At one point, I wasn't sure if I would even start again. The pressure to meet my own unrealistic standards made writing feel more like a chore than something I enjoyed. It was only when I decided to ease up on my expectations that I found the motivation to return.

Since that time last year, I’ve put out a post nearly every week. Even during busy times, I have found the energy needed to write. And that’s because of one key mindset shift:

It has to be fun. Aka… it needs to feel like playing. And it needs to feel restorative, not draining.

And the only barrier to it feeling that way was me. In order to get to a point where I was flourishing again, I needed to change up what I was doing.

It’s important to recognize that not having a mental illness doesn’t mean you’re thriving. Mental wellness goes beyond simply avoiding anxiety, depression, or other conditions. It’s about flourishing: truly feeling engaged, motivated, and fulfilled in life.

This was certainly not how I felt during my break last year. Instead, I felt bored and uninspired- hardly the way I wanted to be living my life.

Sociologist Corey Keyes describes languishing as a state of emotional stagnation. You aren’t feeling depressed, but you're not thriving either. 

Instead:

• you’re feeling empty or stuck, and you lack motivation 

• you might go through your day on autopilot, feeling disconnected from purpose or joy

Psychologist Adam Grant adds that languishing feels like you're "muddling through your days," with a sense of aimlessness. It’s not burnout, because you still have energy; it’s more like the absence of well-being, where nothing seems to excite or inspire you. 

Keyes emphasizes that people who are languishing may not realize they’re struggling because they’re not experiencing full-blown mental health issues. Yet, they’re not flourishing either.

An example is someone who completes their tasks at work but feels little satisfaction or passion. They aren’t thriving in their job, but they’re not struggling enough to feel like they should seek help. 

This in-between space can prevent true growth and fulfillment, leaving people feeling stuck without realizing it. And it can lead to mental illness and burnout if it goes on for too long.

In some ways, this was how I felt last year. On paper, I had a lot going for me, but I wasn’t sure exactly what I was doing it for. Because of my prior experiences with burnout and depression, I knew I wasn’t feeling either of those things. But I also knew that I needed to take steps to get back to a place where I was flourishing.

Fortunately for all of us, we can take steps toward flourishing with these 3 Practices:

1. Prioritize Self-Growth

The great thing about being a human is the fact that we have unlimited potential for growth (as long as we prioritize it!).

Letting go of perfectionism and setting more realistic expectations for myself has been a vital part of my self-growth process, and it’s been key for showing up to write this newsletter and do my podcast.

I’ve also needed to learn to be more self-compassionate. Nothing kills creativity faster than a harsh inner critic.

I think that I’ll be working on these things for the rest of my life. But I know that growth is not a destination; it’s a process. And it’s key to flourishing mentally and emotionally. 

Investing in your personal development can help you feel more fulfilled and give you a sense of purpose. If it seems overwhelming to start on your own, this is where a trusted friend, mentor, or coach can be helpful.

Put it into practice:

• Set personal goals: Identify areas of your life where you want to grow—whether it’s learning a new skill, improving relationships, or developing better habits. Break these goals into small, achievable steps.

  • Right now, I’m working on growing my skillset by creating an online workshop. I’ve heard from so many people that they want more resources for putting themselves on their own priority list and living less stressed lives. So, I decided it was time to put it into action. When you subscribe to Humans Leading, you’ll get more information about future workshops.

• Embrace learning: Read books, listen to podcasts, or take short courses (or online workshops!) that inspire and challenge you. Even small amounts of new knowledge can boost your confidence and motivation.

• Reflect regularly: Take time to review your progress and celebrate wins, no matter how small. Regular reflection helps you stay motivated and track your growth over time.

Key takeaway: Prioritizing self-growth gives you a sense of purpose, helping you feel more accomplished and in control of your personal and professional life. A sense of control is an antidote to languishing, and having purpose is key to flourishing.

2. Practice Mindfulness for Mental Clarity and Self-Awareness

Before you freak out, mindfulness does not equal meditation. Though, as someone who has been meditating for 8 years, I can promise you that meditation is helpful.

Mindfulness is paying attention to what is happening in the present moment and doing it on purpose without judgement.

It can be a powerful tool for reducing stress and improving focus.

The best part? You can practice mindfulness anywhere, even during a busy workday. I have definitely meditated at work. And I often take mindful walks in the basement (or outside) while I listen to my rally playlist.

Put it into practice:

• Take mindful breaks: Pause for a few minutes during the day to breathe deeply, notice your surroundings, or simply focus on your breath. This can help reset your mind and improve your focus. A book I read recently on micro-mindfulness was particularly helpful if you’re looking for a place to start.

• Try a quick meditation: Apps like Headspace or Calm offer guided meditations that fit into your schedule. Even a 5-minute session can leave you feeling more centered and calm.

• Mindful eating and walking: Slow down and savor your meals (aka eat without doing something else), or take a mindful walk where you focus on your steps, the air around you, or the sounds you hear.

Key takeaway: Mindfulness helps you break free from the whirlwind of negative thoughts and tasks, allowing you to reset and find calm in the middle of a busy day. Cultivating mental clarity can help you refocus on what matters and promotes flourishing.

3. Focus on What You Can Control

It turns out, the only thing we can control is ourselves: our thoughts, behaviors, and responses.

As a critical care medicine physician and toddler mom, I can’t over-emphasize how much I hate this. But, as part of my own self-growth process, I’m allowing myself to acknowledge the truth of it. And, in doing so, I feel a lot less stressed by things that I can’t control.

As I mentioned above, I was the one making writing stressful through my own perfectionism and high standards. When I first started this Substack, I approached it with the seriousness that I would approach my job in the hospital. (I laughed a little as I wrote that line because wow… yeah… writing is not that serious.)

By changing my thoughts from “writing is serious” to “writing is fun,” I’ve been able to come back here to share posts with all of your week and after week. And I now find that the process itself can be energizing instead of draining which was my goal last year.

Many of us stress over things that are outside of our control, which only adds to feelings of anxiety and frustration. By focusing on what you can control (like your thoughts), you shift your energy towards solutions rather than dwelling on problems.

Put it into practice:

• Accept what you can't change: Whether it’s a toddler (solidarity!), difficult project at work, or an unexpected challenge in life, recognize the things you can’t control and let go of the need to for perfection.

• Take action where possible: Identify small steps you can take in situations where you have control. This can be as simple as reorganizing your to-do list, delegating a task, or reframing unhelpful thoughts.

• Cultivate gratitude: Shift your focus to what is going right by regularly reflecting on things you're thankful for. As I mentioned in this post, our brains are designed to scan for the negative things in life. But it can be extremely helpful to cultivate a more positive outlook. This mindset change helps you see challenges from a more empowering perspective. If you’re having a hard time finding something positive, it can be helpful to just think about what isn’t going wrong (aka “meh-mindfulness” as I wrote about here).

Key takeaway: By focusing on what you can control, you reduce feelings of helplessness. This is directly linked to flourishing.

In order to get on the road to flourishing, you can take steps today that will make a big impact as you practice them consistently. It’s important to remember that this will take practice, and that the goal is not having done any of it perfectly. The process of practicing and growing is the goal.

If you are feeling stuck in your life, you may not be sure how to get back to a place of feeling purpose and joy.

If this is you, you’re not alone. There is nothing wrong with you. Modern life is hard, and it can feel overwhelming to take on change on your own.

This is where coaching comes in. Coaches like me act as non-judgmental partners for you on your path back to flourishing. We help celebrate your small wins and encourage you along the way.

If you’re looking for a partner on your path from languishing to flourishing, I’m taking on new 1:1 clients at the moment, and you can get in touch to book a free discovery call over the next couple of weeks (or simply reply to this e-mail if you’re receiving it in your inbox).